A dumb and simple way to avoid the dumbest mistakes
Containing what could be a big blunder to a small container of shame
When I think about it, Lay’s old “bet you can’t eat just one!” slogan counts as a company being a sore winner. It feels only slightly less sinister than Camel bragging that millions are hopelessly addicted to their nefariously nicotine’d up products.
(Marlboro: lol, we got you.)
You see, with potato chips, it’s not really just about how every chip is an almost-completely-wasted calorie. Instead, chip eating sprees can give anyone — even a teetotaler — the sort of “what have I done?” feeling that a colossally hungover person experiences while hugging a toilet. Only, the crunchy munchy glutton grasps at their temples after eating a whole godforsaken bag of chips.
If you’re like me, you’ve become familiar with entering … The Potato Chip Guilt Vortex.
Ideally, if you’re taking some/all of this “Newbtrition” journey with me, you won’t be grappling with bags of chips mysteriously vanishing into your belly any longer. But I realize that there are some people here who aren’t TRUE BELIEVERS, and are instead “mildly interested parties.”
Maybe said MIPs could gain little nuggets of wisdom and lose a few pounds (and maybe eat chicken nuggets a bit less often)?
Example: a friend of mine mentioned that, thanks to years-ago advice, they don’t get burritos at Chipotle, saving them approximately 300 calories and who-knows-how-many carbs per visit, which is nothing to sneeze at. THAT, GATHERED COLLEAGUES, IS WHAT I CALL A LEGACY.
With all of that in mind, I thought I’d pass along some stupidly simple advice that could maybe massage mountainous mistakes closer to molehills (d’oh-hills?).
Of course, before you munch away, consider the eternal caveat of “Newbtrition,” which I REALLY need you to remember.
I am not a doctor or nutritionist, and I drop food on myself constantly. Please talk to experts, and follow up any Newbtrition posts with further research. Especially if you’re already dealing with significant health issues.
Got that? Good.
Smaller bags, smaller mistakes?
When the idea of “Newbtrition” wasn’t even a flaxseed of an idea, I was often trying small measures to mess up less.
Allow me to reiterate: these strategies weren’t life-changing, and may have only slimmed the waist down in “need a microscope” type ways. But still!
Circling back to the vortex of eating a whole Laura Dern bag of chips, I decided I’d put a ceiling on binges. What if I reduced some of that salty shame by making a whole Dern bag of chips rather small? So I went with something like this:
Take a look at the serving sizes there: 28g for each bag. Here’s the nutrition facts label for one of those Doritos bags, from the site itself.
Interesting: a serving here would be 150 calories, and a not-catastrophic (relatively speaking) 210 mg of sodium. But it also gives some sobering perspective: you can get about nine-percent of the maximum suggested sodium from a mere 12 Doritos.
How often are you only going to eat just 12 Doritos when you’re in MUNCH MODE?
Personally, I’d sometimes go ham and eat two of those bags, translating to about 300 calories and almost 20% of an adult’s suggested maximum daily sodium intake. And, generally, it did very little for my hunger levels. But it also could have been worse.
Technically, this is almost certainly a worse “value proposition.” Companies like Frito-Lay are probably over the moon about selling you fewer chips at a higher price.
But your perspective on what that “price” is can change quickly when you consider how much eating a Whole Dern Bag of chips can ruin your day, dietarily.
How this general strategy is helping me during healthier — but not yet perfect — times
In case you’re wondering, there will be other “Newbtrition” posts about much smarter snacking.
Much of my journey isn’t just about finding healthier foods, but also accounting for my own potential mishaps by finding quick-ish fixes. When you’re really hungry, you’re less likely to make something elaborate for yourself. Or, worse, something simple like a big salad will feel like a lot of work.
This is where I remind you that these salads/bagels can be simpler than the bits of mad science I spew out.
Anyway, if you want to take smaller steps, consider these two:
If you must add ranch, mayo, or some other condiment that checks a ton of “bad” boxes, at least avoid piling it on. If you’re at a restaurant, ask for it on the side. If you’re at home, measure it out. Just about all of those dressings go a long way on something like a tablespoon. Even if you up it to two servings measured out, who knows how much you’re putting on your food if you’re just pouring it on?
Want to make better progress? Go with something with significant health benefits (hummus, guacamole) instead of ranch/mayo/etc. Personally, I think hummus and guacamole are delicious, while the others lean closer to (warning: science talk) goo.
It’s worth noting that even something like hummus or guacamole can include added sodium, oil, or other less-ideal things. That’s why I personally still a) read the labels and b) measure stuff out, or at least try to use a light instead of a heavy hand.
All of this measured talk might have you thinking — what if I'm in a munch mode that rivals the Tasmanian Devil? What if I want to chow down and shake my head around like Beavis in Cornholio mode?
That’s one area where that old, flawed smaller bag of chip theory has come in handy.
Single servings of guacamole, hummus, tzatziki: the value’s in pacing yourself
Eventually, I hope to at least occasionally make my own guacamole, hummus, and other healthy sauces. For now, I’ve gone with packaged options with ingredient lists that lean on “I believe this thing naturally exists.”
When I want to chow down with a crunchy, chip-style snack, I’ll reach for some Broghies (tastier wheat or corn rice cakes, kinda?) and “mini” packs of guacamole, hummus, and/or tzatziki. (Not sure tzatziki will stick in the mix, as it has its issues.)
Sometimes, my wife and I will GO WILD and mix and match these mini dips. Take that, hazy college memories of shenanigans.
Anyway, it’s really simple logic here. A little canister of dip lets you know exactly how many calories/etc. you consumed, and it wouldn’t be tough to calculate how many, say, 20-25 calorie broghies you’ve eaten. If you’re being a real angel, maybe you’re dipping carrots or something healthy in there.
Let’s consider some of those “minis.”
In Canada, a local grocer’s store brand sells minis of Tzatziki: 57g of the addictive, yogurt-based condiment. Those canisters weigh in at 90 calories and 300 mg of sodium.
(Nice side note: the “damage” of a typical guacamole or hummus container is generally considerably lower in sodium, and quite a bit lower in calories. So tzatziki maybe counts as a mid-range “cheat.”)
Ideally, even in a snarf fest, I’d consume less than the full 57g (or slightly more than 2 oz.) of Tzatziki. For context, most dressings, sauces, and dips put their serving sizes at a tablespoon (.5 oz [roughly 15g]) or two (1 oz [30g]).
But if you’re snarfing, possibly out of a container like some sort of depraved cartoon beast, who knows how many servings you’re burning through? I imagine most people don’t measure out two tablespoons of hummus before they chomp down, even if they’re indeed being angels by snacking on carrots (or my preference, peppers).
Again, it’s also instructive to see how bigger servings can put things into perspective. To the naked eye, those canisters don’t look that big, but they get the job done. (If they don’t, you probably actually just need a meal instead of a snack, or you’re dehydrated, or both.)
If nothing else, do the worst-case scenario math
When I wasn’t watching sodium as closely and was buying bags of chips, I’d do some sobering math in grocery stores. How many calories would I consume if I ate the Whole Dern Bag?
It’s important to Know Thyself, and thus to look at such things, whether you’re more in control (just half!) or more like how I’ve been most of my life (lucky if that bag makes it two days).
Doing the math is crucial with just about any meal. If you’re sticking with processed foods — especially a lot — you may learn to pick your spots a little better.
Look at this TUFF HUNGRY MAN DINNER, and note that the whole thing could wipe out your entire daily recommended level of 1500 mg of sodium, and ponder how many other salty foods you’re likely to consume that day.
Even if you don’t start loading up on healthier food, you could at least choose the path of lesser devastation.
Honestly, if it just means choosing the iffy TV dinner with 800mg of sodium (ideally without much trans fat, cholesterol, other especially bad stuff) than the one flirting with 2,000 mg of sodium, you’re at least less likely to create something of a Tasmanian tornado for ticker.
Again, the ideal is to snack on healthy stuff that you enjoy. Believe it or not, it’s out there, if you look.
But if that’s a bridge too far — or you want to mix the good and the bad — you can at least avoid the scale of mistakes that can really push you in the wrong direction.
