You'd win at least one friend with salad
Seinfeld's Elaine Benes would probably approve of this post
When you get to the point of being scared about your health, and it’s not because you got hit with some horrendous bus-shaped-luck, it’s likely at least in part due to the bad habits you’ve assembled. Consider those problem elements The Artery-Clogging Avengers.
(Chin up; at least your life features better-looking special effects.)
As an incessant snacker, and someone who always reached for wildly unhealthy soda pop, I developed into a Voltron of bad habits.
Aside: which of your bad habits form the individual Voltron pieces of your diet? For me, I’m thinking chips for arms, beer and soda for gut, legs made of french fries.
As much as the deck sometimes felt stacked against me, I can’t act like I’ve been without advantages. Even beyond the long discussion of my privileges (feel a little silly that this is happening during a period of unemployment, instead of a decade-plus of remote working), there are certain healthy foods that always appealed to me.
Despite not eating greens nearly enough, I’ve basically always enjoyed salads. And I’m not even talking about the traditional “salad” where there’s some iceberg lettuce, one of the multiverse’s saddest tomatoes, and then mountains of ranch dressing, cheese, just the yokes of eggs somehow, and Bac-os.
Nah, you could just throw some mixed greens in a bowl, throw a respectable tomato in the mix, and some Italian dressing and I’d be A-OK. I understand that such a combination would be wildly unappealing for others.
Truly, it’s even worse that I’ve long enjoyed salads — including combinations that are almost insultingly easy to put together — and yet I’ve often been too lazy to eat them regularly. Some of it comes down to the vicious cycle of treating meals like fires you want to put out as quickly as possible. Either way, I kick myself for sleeping on these meals for so many long stretches of my life.
THE NUMBERS GAME for eating your greens
As something of a stats nerd, it only makes sense that it was THE NUMBERS that really started to change my ways. And this doesn’t necessarily pertain to numbers on the scale (now, on a blood pressure monitor…?).
Reading “How Not to Die” — basically a foundational text of “Newbtrition” — I came across passages (bold emphasis added) with numbers such as:
Of all the food groups analyzed by a team of Harvard University researchers, greens turned out to be associated with the strongest protection against major chronic diseases, including about a 20 percent reduction in risk for both heart attacks and strokes for every additional daily serving.
Over time, I’ve seen different estimates for how many fruits and vegetables you should attempt to eat in a day. The American Heart Association recommends four servings of fruit and five of vegetables per day. This infographic helps visualize that, and ideally would make that sound less daunting.
Maybe it would be easiest just to look at as pure volume? An estimate from the 2020-25(?) Dietary Guidelines for Americans puts it as:
Adults should consume 1.5–2 cup-equivalents of fruits and 2–3 cup-equivalents of vegetables daily.
If that all sounds daunting, at least don’t feel alone. You appear to be in the 85% to even the 95% when it comes to not getting enough, at least based on this summary from the Dietary Guidelines for Americans/CDC:
Personally, I wouldn’t recommend obsessing too much about meeting some quota if that would end up taking the wind out of your sails. (If you’re the type who loves to check boxes off of lists, then maybe it would be great for you?)
My blanket advice would be, for the most part: load up on fruits and vegetables. If you’re really going for it, then yes, see where you could go too far. (Seems like if you push the human limits of spinach consumption, for example, you might have a bad time. Oh, and if you use too much nutmeg, things could get wilder than merely enjoying a bit of Yuletide glee.)
Chances are, you’re very much in the not going too far group.
For my money, the best way to at least approach the plane of enough fruits and veggies is to find efficient, easy, and pleasurable ways to get there. Two of my favorite ways to do that are:
To load up salads to a borderline absurd extent.
To load up smoothies/shakes/whatever you want to call a bunch of good stuff in a blender to a ridiculous extent.
In a future “Newbtrition” post, we can talk smoothies and the tragic resulting blender abuse. This time, let’s set the stage for more salad days.
Moving parts, big bowls, cascades of spices, copious greens: a warped look inside my strange world of salads
Almost every night, I get really hungry, and then go to town on a salad. It can be a real spectacle. (Imagine a wrestling announcer gasping at the pageantry.)
The beauty of making a salad is that you can do whatever you want with it. That can, of course, be the downfall of its nutritious value. If you’re just putting a bunch of terrible things on iceberg lettuce, you might make things worse. At least if you talk yourself into believing you’ve eaten your healthy thing for the day/week/(please not)month.
One key for me with salads is to experiment a bit. So this (beautiful) artist’s depiction is merely the Platonic Ideal of one my leave mounds.
Might as well run down the process. Scroll for a less rambling version of The Current Cold Gives Kitchen Sink Salad©.
Get a bowl. I like getting a big-ol-bowl, way too big of a bowl.
Usually, it’s easiest to start piling on the leaves first. That said, I’ll give you a more step-by-step version, to really drive home the Dr. Frankenstein-ian nature of my kitchen lab experiments. Generally, I’ll grab a huge fist-full of mixed greens/spring mix to start off. Personally, I prefer washing them and rubbing them down with a paper towel, even if the label reads “thoroughly washed.” There are regular-enough produce recalls that I figure an extra step of safety is warranted, whether it’s rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic or an actually useful endeavor.
On that first clump, I’ll start dumping some wonderful spices into the mix (make sure they’re no salt added). Lately, that’s been Italian Seasoning and garlic powder first.
If I have the luxury of OTHER GREENS, then we’re in business — clomp those down next. Then add additional herbs. This is where I might get bold by trying to work in turmeric + black pepper, curry powder, cumin, or all of the above.
Wild card 1: other vegetables. I’ve been lucky to come into some passable tomatoes lately, something I fear is already going away. Sometimes it will be tomatoes or red/yellow peppers.
Wild card 2: fruit? OK, this would be an alternate path from the more savory style of salad that I make. But I think fruit is worth mentioning. Apples can be a wonderful, crunchy addition, and various oranges often work. Fruit may reduce some of the appeal of bolder spices.
Wild card 3: A healthy fat. Whether it’s hummus, guacamole, or a dang avocado, I enjoy throwing a healthy, sometimes “creamy” fat into a salad to push it closer to “full meal” territory. Personally, I find that this option reduces fear that a lighter dressing hand will translate to a salad that verges on “homework.”
Wild card 4: Nuts? I haven’t done this as much lately, but nuts could either replace the healthy fat, or bump the filling nature of a salad even more. Of course, with nuts and healthy fats, you’d want to be more cognizant of how the calories could add up. (Granted, you’d be using your calories wisely, so don’t sweat it too much; at this early stage in my “Newbtrition” journey, I haven’t been too concerned about tracking everything.)
Final key component: Dressing. In my case, I’ve graduated to balsamic vinegar, which only contains a bit of sugar and modest calories. Frankly, I think you could find a vinegar option that could work for you, too, if you load up your salad with other stuff. Besides, a lot of salad dressings lean on vinegar plus stuff. Usually, that stuff isn’t so good for you. That said, if you want salad dressing, THAT is a case where I’d recommend grumbling away and actually measuring out your serving. In my experience, a little could truly go a long way. I think dressing would be especially necessary if you just want to go really quick and make just greens + tomato + dressing, or even just greens and a dressing.
Before I get to the simpler version, need a refresher on spices?
Simpler version:
Whole mess of salad greens. A mixture can be nice, and give you a variety of benefits. I bolded this entry because it’s mandatory, or else I’ll be forced to call in a SALISH or something super mean and dismissive. Gasp.
Fruits and or vegetables. Figure out what works best for you. Swapping between sweet and savory could help you avoid getting bored.
Just keep your dressing hand light to either limit sugar, sodium, or both. (Not to mention oils.)
Again, I personally find balsamic vinegar to be perfectly fine instead of a packaged dressing. I do so to cut down on sodium, but also because there are studies indicating that vinegar can help lower cholesterol, moderate blood sugar, and possibly suppress hunger. I also feel like I fill the void of many of the vinegar-based dressings with the next two things:
A ton of healthy herbs and spices.
A modest, sometimes measured, clump of healthy fat (examples: hummus, guacamole, avocado that’s basically cosplaying as full-on guacamole).
Instead of or in addition to a healthy fat, you could go with nuts to make that salad more filling. Just realize if you go, say, avocado AND nuts, the calories will start to climb.
Depending upon how you put your salads together, you can cross a bunch of fruits and veggies off your list. Nuts and spices are also great things to get in the mix, and healthy fats can trick your brain into thinker you’re fuller. (Again, vinegar may help with hunger suppression, too.)
Of course, there are other ways to get your greens, if salads aren’t your friends
Personally, I find salads to be a tremendous way to load up on a veritable garden’s worth of veggies. The more I type about them, the hungrier I get.
But I understand that, even with all of the bells and whistles, some might hate the way all/most greens taste when raw.
That’s where it’s important to remember a key factor with eating healthy/healthier.
There are more ways to make healthy things taste good-to-great than you probably realize.
Growing up, people were exposed to vegetables prepared in the least appetizing ways possible. Experiencing veggies that way is about as helpful as trying to find a Halloween date while wearing a mask that covers up your winning smile and draws more attention to a painful, throbbing, Moon-sized pimple.
Sure, there are times when cooking a certain thing can mess with nutritional value, but that’s the sort of consideration that’s more worthwhile if you’re really getting in the weeds. And some of that raw/cooked stuff is Goop-level nonsense.
So, the good news is that if you don’t like a slew of vegetables, it’s likely that you’d enjoy them if they were prepared in a different way. Off the bat, it sure seems like steamed/roasted vegetables are immensely more pleasant than boiled ones. But I’m very much in the early stages of learning what works better.
(Probably wise for you to realize that, while I’ve cared about eating better for a long time, I’ve really only been wiser about my path for about one month — it’s just been so dramatic that I want others to feel and eat better, ASAP.)
So, key note: I’ll try to share things that work for me — either based on my mad experiments, or the bold innovations of my smart, patient wife — from time to time. Yet, there are tons of websites out there with great recipes, many with review scores and everything. They know better than I do; for all I know, the ideal salad is still comically out of my reach. (Feel free to share favorite websites, cookbooks, whatever.)
But at least the one I’m making now is one I’m comfortable making regularly. And it might be the single most important meal addition I’ve ever made. Elaine from Seinfeld got that one right, at least.
Perhaps smoothies will have something to say about that, though?
(whispers: see that spinach on the right?)